It's been one week...

...since you looked at me... Yes, I know it's been more than one week but now you hopefully have a fun little #earworm.

I have been legitimately busy!  I swear!  I was emailed by Zach's teacher about a potential opportunity for him/other students.  The county fair is apparently having a youth cooking competition and maybe some of them would be interested?  It wouldn't be a school event, just an extra and I would be in charge of deciding whether or not to go forward.  Of COURSE Zach wanted to do it, anything to cram more stuff into MY life. One of the girls from last year's solar cooking competition (OMG that was crazy) was also mentioned as being interested and she agreed that she'd love to do it.  The catch?  I had about 1 1/2 weeks to prepare because the fair event is on Sunday the 24th.  Eeek.

So I'm still scrambling.  Zach hasn't done a lot of cooking lately and he tends to be a bit scattered, and S, his friend, hasn't done much cooking other than noodles (her words).  I've had 2 cooking days in the past week where I walk them through a meat and veg. with lots of garlic mincing along the way and it's been a big exhausting mess.  The catch to the competition, as I've been told, is that the kids in groups of 2 will have a box of a surprise beef and veg ingredients. They will then have to prepare an entree but will be able to bring 'spices' from home.  It's all up in the air, however, because I can't get the lady to call me back and I don't know if the two are actually registered or not, or if I need a waiver/liability form for S's parents to sign, what 'spices' actually means, etc.  So maybe we'll be cooking and maybe we won't.  Or they, not we.  Whatever.  At least I got dinner cooked for me last night and we made my first ever homemade chimichurri sauce.  Yummy!  No pics, though.  Too many dishes to wash for me to have the energy for the camera.

I did take pics of Zach over the weekend, though.  A few glasses of wine seems to help numb the burning in my hands and arms (woohoo!) so on Sat I indulged and set up my flash remotely so go off at an angle in the garage, hung some black muslin and made Zach grab his newest cloak.  I like what we ended up with.  The problem I had was that in backing up out of the garage to get a wider shot, I'd end up in the sun which was somehow affecting my ability to focus or skewed my light sensing or something, I'm not sure what.  So most of the shots had me too close to really get it all, but hey, it was an experiment and it was fun and that's what counts, right?

And how can I leave without posting one of my smaller spawn? ♥  He can't NOT make a face when I try to take a photo of him.  So rotten.  So lovable.

Freaky Family

So my cousin and her two boys came to visit this weekend, and during all the fun and chaos we were talking late into the night about some of our familial oddities.  Apparently she and I share an insanely sensitive sense of smell.  So naturally, last night as I couldn't sleep, my mind drifted to our conversation and I began to ponder on other strange aspects of my being, wondering if they are normal (as I've always presumed) or abnormal, as I'm learning often that those strange glances people give me aren't a good sign.

Here's one:  Most nights my nose gets congested.  No biggie, it just clogs up a bit and I'm able to breathe well enough from the clear side.  No, it's not adenoids, those were removed waaayy back in the dark ages.  BUT the apparently odd part (according to my dear husband's reaction when I told him) is the fact that the clogged side is always the side that's down, ie, the left nostril if I'm lying on my left side.  If it gets to the point that I feel pressure from the congestion, I can flip over to the right side and the swelling or whatever will shift over, and often I get a satisfying POP sensation when it clears completely, thus clogging the other side, complete with almost eye watering sensation.  Sometimes I try to trick it by waiting until a.l.m.o.s.t. popping and then flip to my back, as if to say AHA!  Caught you!  Now where are you going to go?  But it inevitably picks a side and I have to resume my flip flop routine until I fall asleep.  I guess it's a gravity dependent sinus edema.  It's not dripping, no postnasal drip, just blocking my life's breath.  As I said, no biggie.  Now if I'm truly sick or having an allergy attack with lots of drippy snot and whatnot, all bets are off.  No flip flop in the world will fix it then.  So, can you flip and clear your nose?

P.S....I would prefer to prove Kevin wrong, I'm NOT a freak in this situation.  So click 'yes', mmmkay?

See Spot Run.

School sure has changed a lot since I was a wee one.

Yesterday I was asked by Owen's teacher to help her with a project...the kids have 40 sight words that they need to have memorized by the end of the year and thanks to Pinterest, she found something that she thinks will be helpful in making it more fun, which for a kid (well, for anyone really) equals 'more likely to be accomplished'.  Each child held up a large printed word which I took photos of, then she will turn the digital files into a PowerPoint presentation. Seeing their classmates faces with the words is certainly more entertaining than the typical flash card system, no?

Here is my hooligan with two of the words.  He's such a little stinker.  But his teacher is pretty awesome.  I really should have found a less distracting background space, but I was focused on making sure I had a good bounce/light source and with me, one thought tends to take over, sneering back over its shoulder at all the other valid ideas pounding and screaming on the soundproof glass of my mind. And since my hands are all effed up, I wanted to get it done as quickly as possible. /end excuses. C'est la vie.

What a lovely day.

I heard someone refer to another person or conversation or SOMEthing as 'lovely' and it dawned on me, I don't hear or use that word often at all.  In fact, my writing and speaking vocabulary is pretty limited.  Maybe I should start a word-a-day.  I bet that would go over about as well as my photo-a-day.

But yesterday WAS lovely.  I got in some biking with Kevin, then biked again to Publix for the second time this week, and after school the boys and I made the small trek (via car!) to the farmer's market.  I like to buy eggs from the Funky Chicken Farm and browse and drool at all the other yummy things there.  I'd spend a fortune on the goat milk soaps and serrano/prosciutto and garlic sauce and fresh squeezed orange juice and on and on.  I did loosen up a little and get myself the boys some kettle corn, freshly made and smelling oooohh sooo delicious, as well as some fresh brussels sprouts to roast in a day or so, and some radishes.  We don't often eat radishes, but they were just so PRETTY.

I took my camera along and was sort of hemming and hawing mentally about using it, I'm just not that assertive person who likes to get in your space with a lens.  I need to work on that.  But the gentleman at the Fratello Sole stand spoke up and volunteered to be a model for me :)

I will vouch for the drooliciousness of his products, that serrano ham/prosciutto is uber tasty and Zach had several sandwiches in his lunch made with the asiago cheese we bought there a few weeks back.  Lucky boy.

We stowed our eggs and veggies in the car and then ran off to the small field on the other side, where I told the boys to run around and let me get some fun pics of them.  I've been feeling so achy and cranky lately, I figured we all needed some sunshine filled merriment.  And then I decided I REALLY need to get photos of myself with them, I have so few because I'm always taking the pictures and of course I'm never ready/look good enough/yada yada...thus I handed over my camera to each Zach and Owen, letting them take turns with it and I love what we ended up with.  My favoritest pictures ever ♥

Baa, Baa Black Sheep

Have you any wool?  No?  How about a lamb, got any tasty little bitty sheep morsels for me?

I kind of hate that I like lamb, it took me forever to get over the heebie jeebies of eating a cute little baby animal, but I persevered and by golly, it's yummy.  I will NOT eat snake or eel or geoduck (puke) but I have managed to envision a happy, frolicking fluffy lamb jumping and scampering and suddenly POOF it's in little lamb heaven and who am I to let his body go to waste?  Ok, I'm not totally that naive, but I do hope they had a good life, short though it may have been.  Fine, fine, no more lamb talk...

I saw this recipe on the Rachael Ray show the other day and thought it looked delish.  I'm a sucker for soups, especially those with a broth base.  We have a ton of ground beef, but it is very lean and not full of flavor, so I thought "MmmHMMMM...I bet some LAMB would be perfect in there!".  I don't have a black sheep to barter with so I ran to Publix and got some and made the meatballs with double the meat (and almost double everything else, really)  I should have doubled the feta as well, but I was still reeling from my wussy workout and not thinking clearly.  FWIW, a low fat feta works better, the cheese gets all gooey and melty and by the time you bake and then reheat them in the soup, the meatballs won't have much cheese left inside if you go full fat version.  Save that for when it won't ooze out and get wasted.  That would be a travesty.  I also skipped the pasta and used the smallest amount of breadcrumbs I thought I could get away with, trying to limit gluten but not going completely GF.

So now I have a double batch of meatballs, half went into the soup and the other half will be frozen until I decide what to do with them.  Which will probably be more of the same soup.  The lamb was very subtly evident, it totally helped with the needed fat/moisture of the meatballs and added a little depth of flavor.

 Yummo!

And so later today, I was feeling feisty and had been reading about syncing my flash and playing with rear vs. front curtain.  I wanted to get a photo showing a blur of motion and freezing the subject at the peak of movement ie. using rear curtain flash.  It didn't go so well.  BUT...this photo totally freaked us out.  As soon as I take a photo of Zach in which he has willingly been forced to partcipate, he demands to see the image on the camera screen.  It's small, so I immediately zoom in, and had to scroll over to see his form.  But as I scrolled ALL the way over, the ghostly figure in the corner was suddenly in the camera screen and we both jumped and shrieked.  Way cool mom and son freak out bonding moment ♥

I still need to figure out how to make this work better, but for now I keep looking at this and giggling.

Just keep on...

whining  swimming...I'm trying, Dory, I really am.  But I hope you have a few life preservers somewhere close by.

The past several weeks have been harsh in regards to this whole nerve crappola and sitting at the computer makes it worse.  Holding the camera makes it worse.  Trying to sit at the computer and upload photos, resize, attempt poorly to edit them, etc.  And it makes me so ANGRY that this THING I have no name for, no expectations for, is taking over every damn thing that I want to do.  Even cooking is rough...chopping veggies, whisking/stirring, lifting pans and skillets.  Le sigh.  I really just want to cry because as frustrating and annoying as it is for me, it's affecting my family and that #$!^!&@ pisses me off.  Sorry kids, mommy's too tired and cranky to be much good today.  No, Owen, you can't lay on mommy's arm right now... No, Zach, I can NOT play cards with you, I can't sit at the table like that or shuffle and my neck hurts too much to hold my head up and blah blah blah.  It's not just the pain, either, the pain is just pain, certainly not the worst I've ever felt.  But non-stop unreachable nerve pains and sensations like being strangled are exhausting, Not to mention the days I wake up feeling like the very air around me is a thick fog and I have to fight my way through it just to stand up and walk.  All. day. long.  So sometimes I'm not very pleasant to be around.

Today isn't as bad, so I'm trying AGAIN. I truly believe physical activity helps but finding that magic window where I won't exacerbate whatever's happening and actually HELP instead is tricky. I am terrified of overdoing it physically b/c that seems to bring on big 'flares' of whatever this is, and 'cutting back' is really hard for me because I'm used to pushing myself whenever I DO get active, I guess to make up for the previous lazy days.  I was in great shape several years ago, I'd go to the gym and crank out a couple of hours of cardio and weights and boom, looking good, feeling awesome.  If I missed a few days, I'd return knowing it would hurt, I'd pay for it, but I'd bounce back in no time flat. Now if I try to pull that crap I'm down for the count and I hate hate HATE it.  I miss the old me, the fun me, the energetic me.  But there's no denying any longer that I can't do it, simply can NOT try to pull a stunt like that...unless maybe I spend a year building up to it.

I haven't been on my bike in forever (yeah, last stunt was biking 20 miles 2 days in a row, put me out of commission for a couple of weeks it seems) and today I was eyeing my bike, and eyeing the breeze outside...awesome day for a ride except that I know the ride back would probably be too much as I'm totally out of shape/endurance again and riding against the wind is more than I'm up for right now -- it strains my neck even though it's a hybrid bike, gotta get the neck happy again first.  I'd been doing so well but I know a few weeks off means basically starting at step 1 all over again.  So instead I dusted off the Hate Machine and did 30 min of elliptical striding.  I feel like such a wuss, but I did it instead of sitting on the couch and crying into my coffee.  And since I didn't kill myself on the bike, I should have enough energy left over to do some laundry and hey, maybe even cook dinner!  And above all try like hell to keep a smile on my face for the rest of the day.  Because my boys are worth it...all three of them.

Anyway, here are a few photos I've taken recently, paying the price to get them here.  Be glad you weren't around for the fallout ;)  Kev's probably ready to hit me over the head and knock me out for a few days, hoping I'll wake up all better ♥

We had a nice time getting out of the house a few evenings ago to have dinner with some friends...I hope she doesn't mind my posting the photo below ...I purposely took my most lightweight lens which isn't the sharpest one I have, but I just couldn't stand the thought of holding the heavy camera, so it's not the greatest shot.  But I love the feel of it.  And the boys of course doing the obligatory jumps off the small boat at Squid Lips :)

Be careful what you wish for

How many times have we been warned about THAT?

I was a strange kid, or at least I felt strange most of the time.  And I wondered strange things, at least I think they were strange, although isn't that what kids do?

I distinctly remember this one time, I must have been about four years old because I remember standing next to the dining room table in our townhouse in Maryland, and I picked up my little brother's yellow dump truck.  Back then toys weren't cheap plastic, this little thing was pretty daggone heavy for a small toy.  But I needed to know something, so I held it up and dropped it right back to the ground.  The loud crash startled everyone, and of course there was a version of "What the hell are you doing??!" although my parents never said 'hell'.  I replied "I wanted to see if I could see it in mid-air" which was exactly what I was doing.  Somehow I had realized that an object up high, when let go, would be in transit through the air for a period of time, no matter how brief, before it hit the ground.  Even though it seemed to automatically be on the ground the very instant you let it loose, I just KNEW it didn't work that way and I wanted to see if I could capture that magical mid-air view with my eyes, and keep a mental snapshot of something appearing to float.  But sadly, it didn't work out very well.  Just a loud crash.  I am pretty sure I tried it a few times before they took it away from me.

Another thing I wondered about was falling asleep.  You go to bed, you close your eyes, it might take a few minutes and you might get in trouble for whispering with your sister or kicking your brother, but eventually it always happened...suddenly you are waking up and  you don't have ANY memory of falling asleep.  How does it happen?  Why can't we feel when we are entering dreamland?  I wanted to KNOW how it was, like opening a door and passing through it where sleep occurs once the door is shut again, with you on the other side.  Why couldn't I experience that moment of passage?

And that, my friends, is something I never should have wished for.  Because now I know and while it is indeed super cool and all that jazz, it happens because I am fighting so hard to get to sleep, and experiencing that transition means I have been awake for way too much of my night and the coming day is sure to be long and full of foggy moments.  And the absolute worst part about it...I'm lying there, with the typical brain spin of thoughts going like a Ferris wheel on crack and occasionally a thought flies off of it and I travel that tangent for a bit, but then back to the spinning wheel I go and I play out conversations and make lists and think about must-dos for the next day ad nauseum and then suddenly, I realize I'm in a more relaxed state.  I'm not burning 100 calories by flipping over every 2 minutes   My body feels calm.  And that excites me because I know SLEEP is coming!  Which zaps away the relaxation.  But I get there again, and then my mental conversations are actually happening, I'm not just thinking about them.  And I'm having conversations with multiple people, but they are each in their own separate bubble, different bubbles of movies that I'm experiencing all floating around, with a background noise of all these people talking like a movie theater before the main feature starts.  And I can zoom in on any bubble and hear just that one over the low rumble, and then zoom it out and choose another one, living a snippit of this one and then that one and then "Oh FINALLY!  I'm falling asleep!" and boom, a bang of reality.  Back awake.

Now if I could just figure out how not to get so excited, I'd probably get some sleep.

Karmen seems to be doing a pretty good job of it, though.

Now this one here, she's probably feeling a bit like I do when reality flashes me awake, like my camera just did to her.  

Owen's turn

I have had two posts back to back about Zach, essentially, so to try and be a little bit fair I need to post about Owen.  They'll probably never read this and never care, but one thing I have learned in my life is to be prepared because the last thing you expect is the thing that will be your downfall.

I love you, Owen ♥ you are my awesome little Ozone.  Although after last night's bath and all the soap you dissolved in the water your nickname is now Soapzone.  I love that you squeeze my neck in the mornings when I wake you up and you threaten to never let me go.  You are an amazing reader and artist and thinker and dancer and singer and I can't wait to see what else you will be as you continue to grow.

For the readers, Owen has recently given up on our karate plans and taken his freedom to choose and landed in dance class.  I think this will be a perfect fit, but as always, only time will tell.

And in case you are Kevin #2 reading this, I reiterate, I did NOT pose this photo.  If I had, he wouldn't be sitting square in the middle, I'd probably try for a creative seating and fail miserably.  He actually did sit still on his own, playing his LeapPad.  This kid loves puzzles of all sorts.  I should video him playing with the Perplexus.

Dear future self...

...somewhere between 12am and 2am, you are going to need this *replaces empty toilet paper roll*

Parts of aging really suck, especially that middle-of-the-night pee run, which never went away after I gave birth to Owen.  I'm pretty sure I won't make a full 8 hrs of sleep for the remainder of my life.

Something I wish I could do is share my knowledge and experience with my boys.  I'm sure all parents feel this way, and the frustration is beyond words for me.  Of course we preach and scold and praise and do all manner of things to encourage or discourage certain behaviors but the bottom line is that they can't see the potential pitfalls of the future as well as we can and grabbing and shaking them certainly won't work.  I know for me, personally, I need to work better on seeing and utilizing the natural consequences that result from behaviors or habits, so they can see and learn from their own experience (with guidance, of course). I personally think Zach would benefit from more practice in several areas of his life, one evidenced by his open arm stance in these photos...not fully guarded or blocked.  But screaming it from the rooftops won't make it happen, he needs to learn the value of practice for himself.  I'm fairly certain his sparring class will make this one pretty evident...

 I find that avoiding sheltering is probably the hardest part of parenting...it can be difficult figuring out when to speak up, when to lay low, and what advice to take when it's given by so many 'well-wishers'.  However, threatening in a shouting voice to 'call your sensei and tell him how disrespectful you are!' is really not the role of a non-parent.  And if you are a parent, calling a sensei to deal with your poorly behaved child is pitiful parenting.  Discussing concerns with involved adults can be helpful, in that I don't disagree, and involving a karate instructor who is willing and eager to impart wisdom and teaching could be invaluable.  But don't threaten my kid.  I wrote earlier about not speaking up when someone is upsetting you, but that doesn't mean shouting threats at a kid is the way to go about it.  Had the aforementioned person simply stated "It really makes me feel disrespected when you don't answer me", I'm sure Zach would have responded much more favorably and I wouldn't have been seething inside.  Sheltering from that perspective is A-OK and necessary, in my opinion.  I only wish I had done a better job of it.  And as you can see, his sensei (now Kyoshi) is more than ready and proud to promote him ♥  Way to go on the brown belt, Zach!

These hands are on FIAAAAHHHHH...

Ok, that's cheesy, I admit.  Certainly not as catchy as singing about Obama.  But the song IS catchy, which is why it's now in my title.  I am, indeed, living up to my alter ego as Captain Obvious.

But my hands are on fire, not in the good blogging way, or the good vacuuming way or even the good laundry way.  I did get the dishes, done, though.  Le sigh, the fire of my hands is an internal burn, a deep smoldering heat with occasional sparks catching me off guard.   I don't know why, but the short version is I have some problem with my nerves and to be frank it's really pissing me off today.  Sometimes they burn, sometimes I feel ice tingles jumping around, sometimes it's a numbing tingle, sometimes I just feel a sensation long after it should be gone.  And it's not just my hands, but my hands are definitely the worst when it comes to nerve issues.

I'm not on here to whine about it, though, I do enough of that in real life.  I'm only thinking about it b/c of the photo I'm about to post.  I love to read, it was my other life when I was growing up, my true escape, traveling to other lands, other times, meeting other people in other dimensions.  I miss it.  I don't do it much anymore, although not for the obvious reasons of being a mom, needing to cook, clean and transport little people to various places (ok, that sounds wrong...I don't cook little people)...I don't do it b/c it hurts my %$&!! hands and wrists to hold my nook, and my eyes are going south faster than I can keep up with, so it's an exhausting strain to read, leaving me with blurry eyes for hours later.  Even with reading glasses.  I have so many books saved, waiting, but I think about sitting down with a glass of wine and just the nook and all I can conjure up is how exhausted it will make me.  How pathetic is that?

Zachary loves to read.  I love that he loves it--he gets to go where all the magic is, be an adventurer, feel the sorrow and the joy and the fear and the anticipation that a good author will provide.  All he asked for this Christmas was books.  He is just such an awesome kid, and I am so proud of the young man he's becoming.  Although keeping up with his chores would be nice.

Krazy Karmen is his true pal, she snuggles up with him every night.  I put up with her for that alone ♥